The Empty Chair: Getting Through the First Holiday After a Loss

The first Thanksgiving after someone dies has a weight all its own. The recipe they always made. The seat no one wants to sit in. The moment everyone goes quiet. Grief doesn't follow the calendar, but holidays have a way of pulling it to the surface. Saturday, November 21, is also

International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, a day to support people who have lost someone to suicide. If that's your loss, you are not alone, and nothing about how you're grieving is wrong.

Grief Isn't a Straight Line

You might feel fine one hour and undone the next. You might feel sad, angry, numb, guilty, or relieved, sometimes all in one afternoon. All of that is grief. It doesn't mean you're going backward.

When Grief Needs More Support

Grief is not a disorder, but sometimes it gets stuck. Pay attention if months later you can barely function, can't stop blaming yourself, have stopped caring for yourself, are drinking or using more to cope, or have thoughts of not wanting to be here. People grieving a suicide loss often carry extra layers, like guilt and endless "what ifs," and deserve extra support.

Ways to Make Room for It

1. Plan the day, loosely. Decide in advance whether you'll keep traditions, change them, or skip them.
2. Give the loss a place. Light a candle, say their name, cook their dish, or share a favorite story.
3. Let people help with specifics. "Can you bring dessert?" is easier to say yes to than "let me know if you need anything."
4. Leave an exit. It's okay to step away, leave early, or cry at the table.
5. Find people who get it. Survivors of Suicide Loss Day events and grief groups connect people with others who understand.

A Few Questions People Ask Us Directly

Is it wrong to skip Thanksgiving this year? No. Taking a year off from traditions is a common and healthy choice.

How do I support a grieving friend? Say their loved one's name. Ask, "How are you doing today?" Show up after the holiday too, when the calls usually stop.

When should grief be evaluated by a professional? If it's keeping you from daily life, or you're having thoughts of harming yourself, reach out now. You don't need to wait.

You don't have to carry this holiday alone. Call us at 505-550-1011. If you're in crisis, call or text 988 right now.